Cake Cures AnxietyJun 11, 2020
Cake cures anxiety
Every day, I am learning about human behavior, and this time it’s not from books, it’s from observing my experiences through my own eyes.
This week I left Sydney. Now, I’m not one for celebrating myself. If you know me, you know that I never throw a birthday or a leaving party. I actually found out why when I was in therapy #maketherapycool. You can watch the journey of my Instagram highlight therapy.
Anyway, long story short, I feel it may have something to do with the feeling of disappointment as a child, people not showing up and letting me down, which left me severely hurt. So, I turned away from even asking my friends to do things to celebrate me. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I started examining my own behavior this year. Back to the story, my girls were determined I was having a leaving meal, so I invited a few people last minute to a Mexican restaurant.
I even felt a little bit in my tummy inviting people, but I’ve realized that it’s an old conditioned thought pattern, and it’s nothing to fear if people can’t make it. In fact, my therapist encouraged me to celebrate myself, and that’s just what I did. The day came and everyone made it. At the end of dinner, the lights went off and my friends presented me with a cake with the message:
“11:11 make a wish, we wish for you to come back”
Honestly, I have never felt so warm and fuzzy on the inside, I’m still smiling writing this on the plane to Phuket. That small gesture has sparked my thoughts to go into overdrive about friendship.
Every day, people pop into my question box on Instagram, asking: “How can I make good friends?” “How can I feel less lonely?” and it’s a simple as this:
“To be a friend, you must be a friend “
Suddenly the book I’m reading is applying to my life. “7 Habits of Highly Successful People”
talks about a technique for friendship and business called emotional deposits.
An example of an emotional deposit is doing something kind for someone for no reason. Maybe you could help them get a job or go out of your way to connect them with someone of interest. Maybe you drive someone somewhere that’s out of your way or go to the post office for them when they are at work.
This sort of gesture is investing an emotional deposit into another. Remember a time when someone went out of their way to help you for no reason. You then begin to think, “Oh, what a lovely person, I must buy them a drink.” Maybe you even offer them an invite to dinner at your house. So now you are emotionally depositing into this person. You are both emotionally withdrawing and depositing, and it feels good; it gives you pleasure in knowing someone is thinking of you. You now have a friendship, and friendship is what we humans psychologically crave. Human connection makes us feel safe and secure, which in turn prevents anxiety!
When you feel secure enough in the relationship to emotionally withdraw at any time, that’s when you will feel safe in life. Soon you can call your friend at 4 a.m. no questions asked, and say come pick me up at 717 Fucked Up Avenue. You can safely go out with your heels on knowing someone has got your back if you just call.
We all have our jobs and roles to play in the tribe, which gives us a sense of purpose and belonging, which is what most of us really want. To belong. And in terms of the brain, it has been proven that when humans have a sense of purpose, we have a constant drip of dopamine going around our brains that fills us with pleasure and fulfillment, which again prevents anxiety!
Think of your friendship group. We all have roles to play;
-The organizer who remembers everyone’s birthdays
-The hostess with the mostess who has everyone round to entertain
-The class clown who makes us all giggle
-The protector who won’t let anyone give you a dirty look in the pub toilet
-The mummy who makes sure you get home ok
-The one with all the saucy sex stories that have taught us everything we know
-The advisor who can give out the best advice
-The confident one who talks to the group of boys for us
We are one big tribe made up of all different personalities.
So, basically, what I’m saying is:
buy your friend a cake
Start emotionally depositing and you can withdraw their love at any time to feel secure and safe in the world. Look after your tribe.
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